Flow

Getting a story to "flow" is the hardest thing for young writers. Let me show you what I mean:

"Mr. Vines said no mustard. Mrs. Vines said she didn't put any mustard on his sandwich. He was going to tell the police that a strange thing has happened today that his daughter is missing and a ghost put mustard on his sandwich."

How do you get from mustard on your sandwich to talking to the police about your missing daughter in one sentence???

"Then he set off to go and find his parents. Party because he was hungry and couldn't find anything good to eat and also because he loved them so much he couldn't bear to live without them."

Parents! You are important! Your kids would not be able to find anything to eat if you were kidnapped.

"They found out that were using the caterpillars to try and kidnap her! So he got taken to jail and was never seen again! Later that year she found out that she had cancer!"

Man, that is some bad luck! You find some cute caterpillars that turn out to be trying to kidnap you, then you find out you have cancer? All in two sentences!